Getting Asked for My Phone Number Twice In One Night!

My brother and his wife Becky must be my lucky charm.  We went out to dinner at one of my favorite restaurants in Danville and we decide to sit at the bar and order food.  My brother is hilarious and we are having such a good time.  It is like that scene out of  the movie When Harry Met Sally! We are having such a great time and everyone in the bar is saying, “I want what they are having.” 

I am on my way to the ladies room when I pass a table with a good-looking man sitting alone sipping on a slightly dirty martini.  He made a comment about how much fun we seem to be having.  I tell him that my brother and his wife are visiting from Wisconsin and we are catching up.  He tells me that he is originally from Milwaukee.  He seems nice, so I tell him that there is a bar stool open next to us if he would like to join us.  To my surprise he accepts and moves his drink to the bar.  When I return, my brother and he are in a full-blown discussion about being Cheese Heads.  I was right.  He is a really nice man.  We end up talking for about an hour and he then asks me if he can have my phone number.  I gladly give it to him.

As he gets up to leave, another man sits down at the bar and the same thing happens.  He engages in the conversation with us and then asks for my phone number.  This time, I don’t have that warm fuzzy feeling about the man, so I simply tell him that I hope to run into again sometime, but I don’t feel comfortable giving him my number at this time.

What did I learn from this experience?  First, my brother can never go home!!!  He is great for my dating life.  Secondly, when you are having fun, you attract people to you.  I always tell people not to try so hard.  This was simply engaging with people and having no expectations.  The result is that I will probably have a date with a really nice guy…soon.

Jeannine Kaiser

America’s Dating and Relationship Expert, Author of Cupid’s Playbook

 

Seven Men, So Little Time!

I have been really quiet on my blog for the last week.  There is a reason for that.  I have been very busy connecting with seven amazing men.  Don’t get all excited!  There is a method to my madness.  I am finally listening to my own advice.  Thank goodness I have so many of my former clients who are now my friends.  They have been whispering in my ear for a few months that I am not in the right energetic place to attract the right person into my life…and I have to agree or I would not have been attracting the Wack-a-doodle of the week time and time again.

All the men I have been connecting with are just friends.  Nothing romantic. (At least for now!)  Several of these men are happily married and we are just friends. I began to lose sight that there are good men out there.  I stopped to remind myself of the great qualities I am looking for in a man and to sit back and experience these wonderful men and say to God, I want more of that!!!

My friend Walt:  I have known Walt for 35 years.  He is happily married to one of my good friends from high school. He is the man who keeps me centered and on the spiritual path that I seem to have forgotten over the past year and a half.  He gentle nudges me and sends me podcasts from Marianne Williamson and then checks in with me.  I am finding that I am doing spiritual work every day.

My friend Mark:  We are reconnecting.  We were friends in high school.  We slip away for a dinner, glass of wine or to shoot some pool. (I am horrible at it so I make him laugh!)  He has an awesome, wicked sense of humor.  I love getting text messages from him.  He is always so sweet.

My friend Craig:  He is passionate about music and his daughter.  The best thing about Craig is that he is so dang smart and has so much common sense.  I love asking for his advice.  He is generous with helping me think things through, but never pushy.  Something more about Craig, he can fix just about anything.  He is always generous with his time.

My friend Tim:  Smart, sweet, loving, kind and always just a phone call away.  He has been a friend for more than a decade and our talks are deep.  We connect on so many levels.  He calls me when he is excited about something or having a bad day.  I do the same.  He never judges me.  I love that about Tim.

My friend Jeff:  This is one of those simple friendships.  Nothing complicated.  We go for long walk ‘n talks, meet for coffee or grab a sandwich and just connect.  We love to tease each other.  He has a dry sense of humor and quick wit just like me.

My friend CJ:  We have known each other for 32 years.  He always has my back.  We don’t get to spend a lot of time together, but we talk on the phone a lot.  He gives me good advice and he lets me cry and doesn’t feel like he has to fix it.

My brother Steve:  He is so in love right now and it is so cool to watch.  He is such a great man…all around.  He worries about me, but doesn’t try to smother me.  He tells me the hard truth and I appreciate that so much.  He is always there to help me out around the house.  All I have to do is ask.

Sometimes reflecting on what you have in your life is a good thing.  I have found this incredible feeling of peace over the last couple of weeks by taking the time to reflect and tell God that I see all these great qualities in men and I would like to have that person appear in my life effortlessly.  I have also become more clear that I am ALL the qualities of the man I want to attract.  I believe that you have to be the one to find the one.

So I asked myself why I was attracting the Wack-a-doodles that seemed desperate.  Could it be that there was a hidden low vibration of feeling desperate about finding the right man.  It could be.  There was a frenzy of dating…and not even men that I was that excited to meet.  So I have decided that I am not going on a date with any man who I am not very excited to meet.  I will have more time to devote to the things and people in my life who are important.  I will continue to do the things that make me come alive and shine brighter in the world…like my photography.

God will send me the right man when I am ready and he is ready.  For now, I am at peace.

Jeannine Kaiser

America’s Dating and Relationship Expert, Author of Cupid’s Playbook

 

 

Abundance of Love!

So why the lag time in blogging? One of my good friends from high school and I had lunch last Saturday.  She reads my blogs.  She commented that the tone of my blog had changed from light and funny to frustrated.  She was right.  I have been frustrated.  I had been joking with my friend Marie that a part of my blog needed to be Wack-a-doo of the Week, because I kept meeting crazy men.  Well, maybe not verifiably crazy, but sure felt like I was picking up men on from the Nut Farm!

I have been very quiet as of late.  I have been busy not being busy.  That may sound stupid, but I needed sometime to quiet myself to reset my energy and let life just start happening verses me trying to make it happen.  As a former Sales and Marketing Executive, I was trained to believe that I must be in action. If I am productive, it will result in landing the client or making the sale. Truth be told, most of the sales and clients I landed were because I was just myself and people trusted me.  Nothing more, nothing less.  When I pushed to get the sale, I usually did not get the business.   Sometimes as I have been dating, I have found myself going this old mode of behavior when I know it is not going to get me what I want.  Under stress, we regress!!!

For the past couple of weeks, I have surrounded myself with people I love and trust.  I spent my time being MYSELF…giving love and receiving love.  I feel lucky to have such an abundance of love in my life.  My children are extremely loving and supportive.  My brother calls or texts every day.  There have been many conversations with my mom and dad.  My closest friends have been sharing their life and I have been sharing mine.  I feel at peace again.

One of the things I realized in quieting myself is that I have an abundance of great male friends.  My father once told me that men aren’t your friends unless they are interested in a relationship.  I have not found this to be the truth in my life.  I love spending time and talking with my male friends.  They give me such a different perspective about life and love.  I can adore them and value them as men without having a sexual interest in them.  Now I said it!!!  That is the difference between male friends and all the others.  So, my dad was wrong!  Most of the male friends in my life I have known for many, many years.  We enjoy each other’s company and when we spend time together it wonderful.  I have an abundance of male love in my life!

Keith and I were great friends before we fell in love.  If we had never made the decision to date, Keith would have remained a wonderful friend.  Sometimes I forget how slowly things started with our relationship.  The more we got to know each other, the more we found that we admired and appreciated the other.  Our love grew out of this friendship.  I think these past couple of weeks have helped me remember that Keith and I met when we were  both ready.  It did not take off like a rocket.  It was like a slow simmering pot of soup.  The longer it sits on the stove at a low temperature, the better in tastes because all the flavors have time to emerge.

So, for now I will have patience.

Jeannine Kaiser

America’s Dating and Relationship Expert, Author of Cupid’s Playbook

 

Appreciating the Men in My Life!

I am taking a break from dating and appreciating the men in my life.  I am so blessed to have some great men around me.  This is what keeps me hopeful to find a great partner.  It is the qualities that show up each and every day!  Sometimes it is the unexpected surprise that brightened my day and find myself saying…I want more of that.  This week, a lot of these qualities showed up!

Humor:  I was busting up spending for several hours with my brother Steve who has the best sense of humor!  He can take any situation and find the humor in it, even if it is a bit twisted.  I also had dinner with a male friend from high school who had me laughing and joking around.  I even had several laughs with my father at lunch today as he teased me about some of my quirky tendencies and pointed out that we shared these certain qualities…I mean quirks!  I want more laughter.

Compassion:  I watched as my brother and a very good friend of mine helped and supported parents going through difficult health issue and did it with warmth, love and incredible compassion.  I want a partner who can be there for me during difficult times.  So, seeing this quality in two men in my life gives me hope of finding a great partner.

Openness:  I spend hours with many men this week who opened up to me about things in their life and trusted me with their feelings.  This vulnerability is something that I desire in my love relationships.  It showed up big time this week.

Random Acts of Kindness:  As I am getting ready to move, several men have stepped up and helped me get ready, doing repairs around my home, checking into things I don’t know how to fix, and one very nice chef at my favorite restaurant made my favorite dish especially for me.  I have a hard time asking for help, so when someone steps forward and helps me or gives of himself and his time without me having to ask, I am grateful.  I am a person who does things for others without being asked and it is nice to have others do the same…not expected, but nice.

For now, I am just being still…and quietly observing the things in my life…and appreciating!

Jeannine Kaiser

America’s Dating Relationship Expert, Author of Cupid’s Playbook

 

 

Getting Rid of the Creeper! Resetting My Attraction Magnet!

After 38 text messages, 5 series of back-to-back phone calls that were less than three minutes apart, I finally picked up the phone and gave the Creeper a piece of my mind. Understand that at this point I am getting scared and I am really ticked off.  Setting firm boundaries with him wasn’t working.  He has no boundaries. I told him that I was working all day and could not talk.  That did not stop him from continuing to call me incessantly. He wanted to make sure that a few hours did not go by without me thinking of him.  Oh, I was thinking of him…how to make him go away. First I told him that if I did not pick up the phone and he called back two minutes later and then two minutes after that, I was obviously busy and he was being rude. I told him I did not have that much contact with my husband and we were married for 11 years.  I also told him that I did not have the time or energy to hand hold a person who was that needy. I told him in no uncertain terms that I never intended to go on another date with him and not to contact me again.  It didn’t stop him.  He sent a long text begging for another chance and telling me that he is not “needy”.  (Sure he is not needy! Anyone else out there believe that?) Then I am talking to one of my guy friends and I start getting calls…one after the other…from the Creeper!  No messages, just one call after the other.

When you tell someone who you don’t want contact with them and they continue to call you or text you, the best thing to do is to never respond.  If you respond, they feel that you have opened that door just a crack and if they continue to push on it, you might open it up again. Don’t do it.  Call your cellphone carrier and block their number. They can always call from another number, but just don’t answer calls from numbers you don’t know for a while.

So, here comes the big question for me.  Why am I attracting this kind of guy into my life?  I believe in the laws of attraction and that you attract into your life what you pay attention to…wanted or unwanted.  So, I wonder if because I am writing this blog and I always have interesting dates to write about, is it possible that is why I am getting more crazy dates to write about????

For the next month, I am just going to write about the great qualities I see in men…married, single, friends, relatives…doesn’t matter.  I am just going to pay attention to all the great qualities in the men who surround me and not pay attention to the other craziness.

I hope you will help me play in the arena for just a few weeks. You can add comments of great qualities you see in the men and women in your life and we can all just pay attention to that for a while.  This will give me a chance (and maybe you) to reset our energy and attract in what we desire.  It is worth a shot.  Hope you will play with me!!!!!

Jeannine Kaiser

America’s Dating and Relationship Expert, Author of Cupid’s Playbook

 

Jeeper Creepers-Enough All Ready!

There must be Creeper school out there somewhere and I am just not aware of it.  It seems like these men are attending classes there because they all seem to do the same things. They are completely creeping me out.  I am thinking about changing my name and telephone numbers and disappearing for a while.  A disposable cellphone is in the cards.

I am going to tell the men out there the things that will have most women heading for the hills pronto.  I am!

So I get asked on a date by a man for this weekend.  He is good-looking, articulate, has a great job and has seeming done of the spiritual work that I find desirable.  We plan to meet for breakfast on Sunday morning, but on Friday, he calls and wants to change the plans.  He wants to do something special for me and wants to see if I can spend most of the day with him. I made it clear that I only had an hour or two because I had a lot of things on my plate to get ready to move.  He seems really disappointed.  You can hear it in his voice.  But we make arrangements to meet somewhere in between where he and I live.

I arrive on time and he is there waiting for me.  Unfortunately, the restaurant we planned to eat at is closed until lunch, so we quickly have to change plans.  He has already check with the clerk at a local hotel for alternate ideas.  At first, everything seems okay.  He brought me flowers which is always a nice touch.  I put them in my car and we begin the stroll down the street to a restaurant that was recommended.  So far he has opened every door and has been a total gentleman.  Everything looks good!

He takes hold of my hand and wants to stroll hand-in-hand.  Still not a deal killer!  He is trying to be a bit romantic. When we get to the restaurant, we have to put our name on the waiting list and we sit outside and chat for a bit.  He offers to get me a cup of coffee while we wait.  Still no red flags.  He is thoughtful.

As we sit in some plastic white chairs in front of the restaurant and chat a bit, I start getting a bit uncomfortable. We are sitting side by side and he puts his arm around my shoulder and starts getting a little to close for my comfort.  I pull away slightly trying to signify some uneasiness with his closeness.  I think he gets the hint as he pulls back a little.  Just as he got the first clue that I am not into personal touch and my personal space was getting a bit invaded, our name gets called and we head into the restaurant to grab some grub.

Breakfast begins to get a bit odd.  It starts with him telling our waitress that we are on a first date.  Frankly, I think it is hard enough to be on a first date without feeling like I am in a fish bowl, but I can deal with it.  The coffee comes and I put a bit of cream and Splenda in my coffee and he does the same. He finds it wonderful that we take our coffee the same way. And so begins the conversation of finding all the things we have in common.  It is just not that they are unearthed, but he points each and everyone one of them out…

He wants to hold my hand during breakfast…and I mean during breakfast…while we are eating.  How do you cut your Eggs Benedict with one hand.  I tell him that I am just not comfortable holding hands during a meal.  He listens for about 10 minutes and then tries again.  Do I have to get rude here?  The waitress comes and warms our coffee.  He takes the cream and Splenda and adds it to my coffee for me.  Seriously!  I am not kidding you here.  He did.  I thank him, but tell him that I can handle fixing my coffee.  What is next?  Is he going to cut my food?

I coach people not to do a data dump on a first date.  This guy hasn’t attended my classes…he has been at the Creeper school instead.  I learn about his affair and how his wife didn’t trust him afterward. (Cheater) She checked his cellphone records and text messages, do he had to get a disposable phone. (Deception) I learn that he has had difficulty with his children including a son that wouldn’t talk to him for quite a while. (Family Issues) I learn that his wife and he were a mismatch in the area of affection and sex.  She only wanted sex a couple of times a week and would often tell him that she wasn’t in the mood.  So he would start early in the morning warming her up for possible sex that nice…and she rebuffed his advances.  (I am overwhelmed by his need for touch and it is only a first date!)

So then he does the super creepy thing.  This is something all men should avoid doing.  NEVER DO THIS!  He mentions marriage saying  “If we ever get married”…and then list off all the things he wants to do when he retires and takes me on a tour of the United States in a motor coach.  Marriage? Are you kidding me?  We haven’t even gotten through breakfast and I have red flags flying everywhere.

I excuse myself at the end of the meal and go to the ladies room.  I am only gone a few minutes.  Mr. Hands (his nickname) is chatting it up with our waitress.  He and she have hatched a plan for the next phase of our date.  He tells me has a surprise for me.  He is taking somewhere special.  Did I miss something? Didn’t I make it clear that I only had a short amount of time?  I know I did!!!!!  And here comes the disappointment when I remind him that I have to go home and have plans for the afternoon.

He walks me to my car and not only does he want a kiss he wants a make out session in the parking lot.  I tell him that he is lucky to have gotten a kiss and he is pushing his luck.  He laughs it off.  I pull away and breathe a sigh of relief, which is short-lived.  I am on the road for 10 minutes and my cellphone starts pinging away as the text messages begin coming in from him.  They have not stopped.  It has been less than 24 hours and I have 14 text messages from him, two of them at 5:00 AM.  I have two phone messages and he has sent me links to both of his email addresses so we can stay in close contact.

Someday soon, I am going to find out that everyone else is normal I am the odd person out.  Scaring the hell out of me. Tonight we will have the tough discussion!  He is creeping me out!  Sorry, no second date.

Jeannine Kaiser

America’s Dating and Relationship Expert, Author of Cupid’s Playbook

He Googled Me Before Our Date!

I know that there are people out there that check out people they are going to date on Facebook and Google before they go on a date. But seriously?  Why would someone tell a person that they Googled them before going on a date?  I wonder if they don’t know how to hold a conversation with someone and just get to know them.  Do they have to find out information so they can feel like they have an advantage?  This day and time, there is so much information available on the internet about another person.  I am no exception.  Because of what I do for a living, there is a lot out there about me.  But I kind of feel like this guy went too far.  He had way too much information about me on a first date.  He had watched videos of me on YouTube and then told me that I am more attractive than my pictures and videos.  Whoa!  Kind of creepy.

Another friend of mine had a similar experience, but the guy had done a credit background check on her.  He mentioned that he knew she had good credit and no debt…on a first (and last) date.  I wonder what these guys are trying to accomplish by telling us that they have done research on us?  It feels very violating.

When I was younger, I dated a police officer until the day he told me that he had run a background check and knew any traffic ticket I had ever received…not many, but he knew all of them.  That was our last date.

Even if I had Googled someone or Facebook stalked them, I am smart enough not to tell them that I did that.  The point of having the advantage is that the other person doesn’t know you have the advantage.  You might use the information of the things they “liked” on Facebook in conversation.  If you both like the same music, then it would be a good thing to bring up, but you don’t say, “I noticed on your Facebook page that you like Queen.”  Are people really that dumb?  Well, this guy wasn’t the brightest bulb in the box.

It was clear that he had been doing a lot of research on me.  I wasn’t flattered. I felt as if he was a Peeping Tom using the computer to spy on me.  Every time I would start talking about something, he would say something like, “Oh that is right!  You graduated from Acalanes High, so you grew up in Lafayette. Is that why you like walking the reservoir?”  This kind of comment happened multiple times.  It was just creepy!   I finally asked him, “Is there anything you don’t think you know about me…like my credit score, age I lost my virginity, first real boyfriend?”  He had no idea what I was referring to…because he thought this all made him a good conversationalist.

I went home and blocked him on Facebook!  Bye Bye!

Jeannine Kaiser

America’s Dating and Relationship Expert, Author of Cupid’s Playbook