There must be Creeper school out there somewhere and I am just not aware of it. It seems like these men are attending classes there because they all seem to do the same things. They are completely creeping me out. I am thinking about changing my name and telephone numbers and disappearing for a while. A disposable cellphone is in the cards.
I am going to tell the men out there the things that will have most women heading for the hills pronto. I am!
So I get asked on a date by a man for this weekend. He is good-looking, articulate, has a great job and has seeming done of the spiritual work that I find desirable. We plan to meet for breakfast on Sunday morning, but on Friday, he calls and wants to change the plans. He wants to do something special for me and wants to see if I can spend most of the day with him. I made it clear that I only had an hour or two because I had a lot of things on my plate to get ready to move. He seems really disappointed. You can hear it in his voice. But we make arrangements to meet somewhere in between where he and I live.
I arrive on time and he is there waiting for me. Unfortunately, the restaurant we planned to eat at is closed until lunch, so we quickly have to change plans. He has already check with the clerk at a local hotel for alternate ideas. At first, everything seems okay. He brought me flowers which is always a nice touch. I put them in my car and we begin the stroll down the street to a restaurant that was recommended. So far he has opened every door and has been a total gentleman. Everything looks good!
He takes hold of my hand and wants to stroll hand-in-hand. Still not a deal killer! He is trying to be a bit romantic. When we get to the restaurant, we have to put our name on the waiting list and we sit outside and chat for a bit. He offers to get me a cup of coffee while we wait. Still no red flags. He is thoughtful.
As we sit in some plastic white chairs in front of the restaurant and chat a bit, I start getting a bit uncomfortable. We are sitting side by side and he puts his arm around my shoulder and starts getting a little to close for my comfort. I pull away slightly trying to signify some uneasiness with his closeness. I think he gets the hint as he pulls back a little. Just as he got the first clue that I am not into personal touch and my personal space was getting a bit invaded, our name gets called and we head into the restaurant to grab some grub.
Breakfast begins to get a bit odd. It starts with him telling our waitress that we are on a first date. Frankly, I think it is hard enough to be on a first date without feeling like I am in a fish bowl, but I can deal with it. The coffee comes and I put a bit of cream and Splenda in my coffee and he does the same. He finds it wonderful that we take our coffee the same way. And so begins the conversation of finding all the things we have in common. It is just not that they are unearthed, but he points each and everyone one of them out…
He wants to hold my hand during breakfast…and I mean during breakfast…while we are eating. How do you cut your Eggs Benedict with one hand. I tell him that I am just not comfortable holding hands during a meal. He listens for about 10 minutes and then tries again. Do I have to get rude here? The waitress comes and warms our coffee. He takes the cream and Splenda and adds it to my coffee for me. Seriously! I am not kidding you here. He did. I thank him, but tell him that I can handle fixing my coffee. What is next? Is he going to cut my food?
I coach people not to do a data dump on a first date. This guy hasn’t attended my classes…he has been at the Creeper school instead. I learn about his affair and how his wife didn’t trust him afterward. (Cheater) She checked his cellphone records and text messages, do he had to get a disposable phone. (Deception) I learn that he has had difficulty with his children including a son that wouldn’t talk to him for quite a while. (Family Issues) I learn that his wife and he were a mismatch in the area of affection and sex. She only wanted sex a couple of times a week and would often tell him that she wasn’t in the mood. So he would start early in the morning warming her up for possible sex that nice…and she rebuffed his advances. (I am overwhelmed by his need for touch and it is only a first date!)
So then he does the super creepy thing. This is something all men should avoid doing. NEVER DO THIS! He mentions marriage saying “If we ever get married”…and then list off all the things he wants to do when he retires and takes me on a tour of the United States in a motor coach. Marriage? Are you kidding me? We haven’t even gotten through breakfast and I have red flags flying everywhere.
I excuse myself at the end of the meal and go to the ladies room. I am only gone a few minutes. Mr. Hands (his nickname) is chatting it up with our waitress. He and she have hatched a plan for the next phase of our date. He tells me has a surprise for me. He is taking somewhere special. Did I miss something? Didn’t I make it clear that I only had a short amount of time? I know I did!!!!! And here comes the disappointment when I remind him that I have to go home and have plans for the afternoon.
He walks me to my car and not only does he want a kiss he wants a make out session in the parking lot. I tell him that he is lucky to have gotten a kiss and he is pushing his luck. He laughs it off. I pull away and breathe a sigh of relief, which is short-lived. I am on the road for 10 minutes and my cellphone starts pinging away as the text messages begin coming in from him. They have not stopped. It has been less than 24 hours and I have 14 text messages from him, two of them at 5:00 AM. I have two phone messages and he has sent me links to both of his email addresses so we can stay in close contact.
Someday soon, I am going to find out that everyone else is normal I am the odd person out. Scaring the hell out of me. Tonight we will have the tough discussion! He is creeping me out! Sorry, no second date.
Jeannine Kaiser
America’s Dating and Relationship Expert, Author of Cupid’s Playbook
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