The second anniversary of Keith’s death is just 7 days away. At the beginning, I counted the days, then the weeks, then the months…and now I am starting to count the years. The other day, Keith’s step mother called to acknowledge that the anniversary was approaching. She had to check the date with me. She couldn’t remember if it was the 23rd, 24th or 25th. For me, that date is etched in my mind as if someone indelibly tattooed it on my brain. I almost envied her for needing to check with me.
Today, I was contacted by a close friend because she felt that my reaching out to someone today would help him. You see, today is his fiance’s birthday and she died just two months ago. I know how difficult all the first are…birthdays, anniversaries, holidays.
As the second anniversary of Keith’s death approaches, I wait. I wait for the shoe to drop. I always hope that it doesn’t happen…but it does.
Captain is very aware that this date is fast approaching and he checks in frequently when he sees a slight mood shift. Is the shift because of the pressures of the move, the wedding or the anniversary? He doesn’t let it go by. He asks!
The other day he said to me, “I have never done this before…been with someone who is still grieving their spouse. I will do my best, but I might need you to tell me what you need…even if that means telling me that you don’t know. We will figure it out together.” I appreciated that more than you know because then I don’t have to try to take care of him. I just have to worry about taking care of ME, but I know that he will be there.
Someone recently told me that he did not think I was ready for a relationship with a man. He might be right. But I will never know unless I experience it. At some point, I have to take a leap of faith and ask God for guidance.
I have been more than honest with Captain about where I am. He accepts it. He knows that he is not competing with Keith, but instead he is forging his relationship with me on our terms. He recognizes that the woman I am today is largely in part because of my relationship with Keith. My ability to create a healthy relationship was learned and developed through years of marriage, ups and downs, good times and not so good times. He is actually grateful for this.
As I approach the anniversary of Keith’s death, I feel blessed to have a great man in my life. So as things move a long quickly right now, I hope that the other shoe drops quietly.
Jeannine Kaiser
America’s Dating and Relationship Expert, Author of Cupid’s Playbook
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