This is the 5th Christmas without Keith. Every year it gets a little easier. But Christmas isn’t special anymore. I don’t have anyone special who will painstakingly pick out a present for me and go to the ends of the earth to make my holiday special. I hate that I don’t have a special man to shop for anymore. I loved going shopping for my husband, although I have to admit that it was somewhat frustrating. Here is why: You see, Keith would give me some ideas of the things he would love under the tree each year and then he would proceed to go buy them for himself…one by one. As I would see him with an iPod, I would return the one I bought for him. Then I would buy the new helmet he wanted only to see it on the back of his motorcycle two days later. And so the cycle continued until I finally had a present he had not bought for himself. I kind of miss that crazy ritual.
Keith, on the other hand, was more simplistic. He rarely asked me what I wanted. He would buy me one of two things: jewelry or a designer purse. He joked that he knew they both would fit. I have a closet full of great purses and a safe filled with amazing jewelry. And he was right…they all fit.
Here is my brief letter to Keith this Christmas:
My darling Keith,
Being with you was like Christmas every day. I do miss you. I no longer decorate the house for the holidays. It was only fun when you and the kids where there to pull down everything from the attic and put that crazy tree together. I loved how you and Derrick would do silly things like pretend to roast marshmallows in front of the Yule Log on the television. I miss the Grinch you had on your car each year. Silly man. Who knew that you really loved Christmas. I miss how you and I were up late at night stuffing the kids’ stockings and your endless compliments of how wonderful I made the holidays for the kids and you. I even miss that crazy raging fire you would light that would singe the fireplace hearth and we would need to repaint it…yet again.
If they have Christmas in Heaven, I would give you but one thing as a gift…
It would be one more Christmas with me and the kids.
You wouldn’t be able to buy it for yourself and you would certainly not want to return it.
We miss you.
Love always,
Your Boo
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