No Way Jose!

Don Juan and I have been conversing via text for about 2 weeks. I have yet to hear his voice.  He has not called. We are supposed to go on a date today.  I am speculating that Don Juan is riding off into the sunset without me on the back of his steed.

He gets his nickname because he is a self-professed Latin Lover.  I may or may not be the judge of this. I am going to strongly guess NOT.   If Don Juan had his way, our first date would be a test run to show his skills.

I am a cautious when dating. Without fail, I give my roommate or friend Susan everything I know about the guy I am going to meet which includes his last name, phone number, internet profile name (if applicable). They know when we are meeting and where.  This is so if I go missing, they know where to start looking. Sound paranoid? This is just sound advice for anyone dating. Cover you bases!!! Cover your assets!

Don Juan had been asking questions of me via text like; how good of a kisser am I.   Slight evasion, but I indicate that I have skills.  Next he asked about my most recent romantic date. I give him the Reader’s Digest version of the date that was somewhat romantic. Slim pickings, but I can paint a picture with words.  Don Juan, not to be out done, tells me about a romantic evening by the fireplace with wine and intimate conversation.  I would guess this kind of date would be after several dates when trust has been built.

Yesterday, Don Juan texted me twice to ask me to come over to him “lovely” home and we can sit by the fire and sip wine.  First of all, he loses points because I am not the only woman who gets this special treatment as he made clear! I believe this is Don Juan’s move…get the girl to his house, make her dinner, set the mood, pour her lots of wine…

I was polite when I said to him, “That is a sweet gesture, but I would prefer to meet some where outside of your or my home.”  I think that is super clear!! No room for interpretation. Even a slight language barrier should not impede getting the message. I am not coming to YOUR house and YOU are not coming to MINE until we get to know each other better.  So then, why does Don Juan ask a second time for me to come over for dinner and a fireside chat with wine?   He either doesn’t take no for an answer which would be a real problem if I went to his house for this fireside, romantic evening. Option #2:  He invites every woman over for dinner and a fireside chat and he forgot I said NO.

I politely turn him down AGAIN for his “romantic move” and I have yet to hear another peep from Don Juan.  Could it be he is busy making dinner, building a fire and pouring wine?

If he asks again, it is NO WAY Jose…or Don Juan as the case may be.

Lesson:  If he won’t respect my wishes or boundaries NOW, he will NEVER respect them. Adios!

Jeannine Kaiser, Dating Coach and Author of Cupid’s Playbook

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Stumbling Prince is Still Available!

I am not sure if everyone has as many crazy dating experiences as I seem to have! Maybe it is because I date quite a bit. That is my story and I am going to run with it, otherwise I am a magnet for odd dating experiences.

The other day, I set up a date with a man I met in a dating website. We talked on the phone a few times. I was trying to make sense out of his strange schedule. I could chat with him early in the day and then he disappeared. I started to think maybe he was in a relationship. Rather than waste time (my time), I decided to ask him why he wasn’t available later in the day…ever! It was as if I had thrown down the gauntlet and he was going to prove his availability. He would meet me any day and time I decided.

Okay! I chose that same day! In 4 hours we would be meeting at a restaurant of his choosing which is walking distance from his home.  This sounded promising. He was going to take a healthy walk to the restaurant and meet me on the patio at 5:30.

I got to the restaurant early. I know it well. It is situated on the edge of a very busy park making it an excellent spot for people watching. I like to make up little stories about the people, couples and families I observe. Most of my stories are naive Norman Rockwell inspired tales. But it is kind of fun to do. Try it sometime.

I was lost in my little game and stories and I spot a man stumbling down the side-walk. I was unclear if he was stumbling because he was slightly disabled or drunk. It was the oddest thing. As he got closer, I was horrified when I realize that this man was my date.  I couldn’t leave. He saw me right out front of the restaurant. (Note to self: stupid, stupid, stupid!) My mind quickly flashes the thought of being gracious. He might be disabled.

I make a few more quick mental notes. Sherlock would have been impressed. The short list read: unshaven, teeth unbrushed, shirt stained and buttoned wrong. This was not looking good. Before I can escape, the waiter comes to take our drink order. They never come when you want them. What the heck?

We both order an iced tea. I am shocked. Maybe I am wrong. He isn’t drunk, just…pathetically unkempt because he is disabled. (See how I can Norman Rockwell this mess.) And then the endless hiccups begin. Really! No kidding! Our conversation last long enough for our waiter to come back with the iced tea. He is clearly drunk with glazed eyes and the classic drunk hiccups as he unsuccessfully tried to put a sentence together. I reached into my purse and put a $5 on the table. I looked at the waiter and told him I am paying for my iced tea. I look at my date, (and I say “date” so very loosely), then quickly announce that this date is over. I hurry to the sidewalk to escape. As I am scurrying off, I hear him say to the waiter, “I have never had someone walk off on me.” I don’t turn around. I doubt this is true. I hope I am not the only woman who would leave this prince to stumble home. And now I understood why he wanted to walk.  Silly me.  I thought it was a health thing.

So, here is the learning. If something seem OFF, it probably is.  Follow your gut and use caution.  Second learning, you don’t have to stay and waste time on anyone who shows up drunk or misrepresents themselves. That is on them and not you. Just make sure you are in a public place and safe.  Leave money for anything you ordered.  Leaving them with the check gives you time to get to your car and go.

Happy dating to you all and good luck,

Jeannine Kaiser, Dating Coach and Author of Cupid’s Playbook.

 

Blue-Eyes Takes the Lead!

My friends are kidding me about juggling three men.  All three men know that I am dating other people.  I am not making this a secret.  There is nothing wrong with dating multiple people at the same time as long as you don’t lead them on.

When I am not available to go on a date, each of them gets concerned that I am out with one of the other guys.  They might feel like they are on that show: The Bachelorette, where a woman is dating 20+guys at the same time.  They all know about each other.  This is not my intent.  Dating several men at a time has kept me from getting overly excited about one guy, finding out he and I don’t have a match and then starting all over again.  That is a roller-coaster ride.

Yep! The field is narrowing. I am not in a hurry to get into a relationship at this time, but one of the men I have been dating is standing out in the crowd.  So far, I like what I see.

It is really nice when you talk for hours and hours and there aren’t a whole lot of awkward pauses.  We are beginning to open up and share more about our lives, experiences, and values.

In the early stages of dating, you are just seeing if someone might have a little spark…that chemistry thing!  When I am teaching my dating classes, I am right up front and say that if you don’t have chemistry, the relationship probably will not withstand the test of time.  Chemistry is the glue.  When things get tough, chemistry and communication will get you through.  We have chemistry!

So, we are well past stage ONE!  But he just got his first kiss this week!  Really, he just got his first kiss from me.  He must have liked it cause he mentioned it a few times or maybe he waited so long for me to give him a real kiss…he might be hoping to let me know that he liked it so I will kiss him again!

We had a date set up the day Ashley and I went shopping at Victoria Secrets. He told me to call him after we were done.  Well,  there were over 200 crazed women fighting over bras and panties, a two-hour wait to purchase and the afternoon just disappeared. We did not end up going on a date, but he was very kind about it. (He teases me when we make a date. He wants to know that I am not going shopping before, but other than that, he was pretty understanding!) He did take the opportunity to tell me that he is hopeful to see some of my new purchases from Victoria Secret.  It took this long for him to get a kiss!  Victoria Secret modeling will be a while.

Blue-eyes and I are in Stage Two of dating.  This is where you start to see whether you might have connection in other parts of your life.  Other than just chatting all day, what the heck might you do together? Travel, photography, spiritual connection, what kind of foods do you like or dislike?  Okay, so he doesn’t like sushi and I love sushi.  Not a deal killer. (Note to all my friends:  If I end up with Blue-Eyes, lunch together will be sushi!)

Until later! This is my dating update.

Jeannine Kaiser

America’s Dating and Relationship Expert, Author of Cupid’s Playbook

The Interview Date: The Judge and Jury!

Went on a date recently that felt like an interview.  Ever been on one of those?  It doesn’t feel so good.  Interesting, I really wasn’t intrigued by this guy in the least, because I felt judged throughout the date.  He had memorized my profile and was shooting questions at me, as if to trick me up. I have been in Human Resources executive for a living, so I know when I am being interviewed. Most of the questions were precluded by; why, how come, where, what, and all the other interview prerequisites. I was caught in interview HELL!

I don’t like talking about my work a whole lot on a date.  What I do for a living is unusual.  It doesn’t make me better or less than anyone out there.  I just happen to know more about dating than most.  I am knowledgeable because I am well-read.  On a date, I just want to get to know the guy.  I want the guy to get to know me. But this guy wanted to put me on the spot…see what I was made of…and it felt like he was judging me.

So I decided to turn the tables. I asked him if had memorized my profile or just refreshed his memory before coming on the date.  I then asked him why he felt it was so important to validate everything on my profile.  He proceeded to tell me that he had been deceived by several women he had met online and he wanted to make sure I was for real.  I told him that I understood.  I too have been deceived by men I have met online.  But I did not go into our date thinking that he was deceiving me.  I went in open to finding out more about him.  I told him that he was making me do the time for someone elses crime.  Then, I wished him good luck.

I am a good read of people.  I am almost never wrong. At the end of our date, he commented on my jeans.  He said, “You couldn’t have worn jeans without holes. Can’t you afford to buy jeans.” I began to laugh. He was judging me.  I was right. He learned nothing about me and to top it off, this guy didn’t know a thing about jeans.  Not that it matters. I was wearing a very expensive pair of jeans.  Paid a lot for those holes.  But that isn’t the point.  He was judging me without knowing me…before he even got to know me. Not my guy!

One thing that I am learning: Don’t judge a book by its cover.

One of the most intriguing dates I have had is with Blue-eyes.  It just clicked.  We talked for hours.  He never asked about my work.  I never asked about his.  We just talked  about things that are revealing about what we value in life.  Those are the things that really count. You will never get to know me if you just ask about my work. You will just get to know what I know!  I know a lot.  But it doesn’t define me.  I am a real person with real values, real opinions, and real feelings.

I don’t really care what this man thinks about me.  I am not heart-sick on any level.  But, I hate being judged.  I just want someone to get me! I am not about expensive jeans.  I am not about the things I know.  I am a passionate woman…full of love and life.

The guy that gets that, will win my heart.

Jeannine Kaiser

America’s Dating and Relationship Expert, Author of Cupid’s Playbook

My Dating Update! Here is Who Is Still in the Running!

This month has been the craziest dating month of my life.  I have dated men who are, well, probably nuts…to men who are better than my Ambien sleeping pill.  But in the mix are several men who I think are really good men and good catches.

I need a man who is a bit exciting…has a little edge to him.  That can be a wicked sense of humor and they make me laugh.  Or they are passionate about something in life that is a little different.

Still in the running is Mr. Airline.  We have a date on Christmas morning.  He is really cute and he is passionate about sailing of all things.  I have never been into sailing but I think it would be a lot of fun to help crew a boat.  He is smart and funny.  I enjoy his company.

Mr. Holland is on vacation, but wants to go out again next week.  Greatest guy, but he doesn’t make me laugh.  So I am still waiting to see if he loosens up a bit.

McSteamy ran out of steam.  Disappeared as quickly as he appeared.

Haven’t heard from Mr. Rice Pudding…think he might have checked into the funny farm for the holidays.

“The Dog” has dropped off the radar screen…picked up by the pound, or in for his shots.

Mr. Country Western Dancing…he hasn’t been heard from.  I wasn’t too sure about him because he had young children.  I am looking for someone with older children.  I am looking forward to being a grandma, not a mommy.  So this just makes it easy for me…that he disappeared.

So, who am I interested in.  There are 5 men who have risen to the top.  Three of these men I have known from my past.  (Won’t tell you from what part of my life.  For now it is a secret.) All of them make me laugh.  They can all have a deep rich conversation on a variety of subjects, all are spiritual (so am I), they all have a great relationship with their children and each has at least one passion in life.

Another one in the top five is from Texas originally.  He is a southern gentleman with a southern twang and manners to match.  He has a wicked sense of humor and is passionate about some really exciting things.  This guy would never be a dull moment.  Deep rich conversations…not sure yet.  For now, he is trying to impress me with his quick mind and wit.  It is working.

Last, but not least is a man a met by chance.  We sat next to each other at a bar having dinner.  He is a widower.  We have been talking a lot.  Yes, we have the widow thing in common, but he is an incredible man.  Down-to-earth, loving, had a great marriage and has a fantastic relationship with his kids.

So that is what is happening in my life for now.  I have 7 dates next week.  I know that sounds crazy, but the kids are gone all week.  I will not be bored.  Trust me.

Jeannine Kaiser

America’s Dating and Relationship Expert, Author of Cupid’s Playbook

Getting Stood Up! Ouch!

Made a date with a man I met on the Internet Dating Site.  We talked on the phone and he seemed nice.  He made me laugh and we went right for the close…can I take you out on Friday night for dinner?  He tells me that he will call on Friday to firm up our plans.  So, it is getting late on Friday, 4:00ish and I have not heard from him. So, I jump on the dating site just to see if I have a message and low and behold there is one from him…

It reads: “I can’t make it tonight.  Have to buy and sell a car.  How about next weekend?”

My response: I am busy next weekend and the next and the next…good luck with your search.  BLOCK

Why would I do that?  Why wouldn’t I?  This guy has my phone number.  He could have called me.  What if I hadn’t checked the site and I spent all that time getting dolled up for a guy who didn’t have the guts to cancel our date via telephone.  Secondly, during the time he is trying to make a good impression, he chooses to buy and sell a car instead of keeping his commitment to a date.  What kind of priority am I going to be when he isn’t trying to make a good impression.

Hey, I know things come up.  They come up with me too.  But I have the courtesy to call personally.  This tells me that he is not very mature.  I need a stand up guy who will keep his commitments and communicates!!!!

No loss!  Went out with friends and met a couple of great guys.  I did not sulk…considered myself lucky I didn’t waste a whole evening on this guy.  There are so many fish in the sea.  If someone doesn’t treat you right…simply say NEXT!

Until next time…

Jeannine Kaiser

America’s Dating Coach and Relationship Expert, Author of Cupid’s Playbook

Kissing Frogs-There Has To Be a Prince Here Somewhere!

This quest to find the right man is so different from when I dated 100 men in a single year-first dates only!  I am willing to go on 2nd, 3rd, 4th and finally stop dating for the right guy.  Yes, I have kissed (not really, they only got a hug) some frogs.  However, there are some really great guys out there.  They just aren’t my guy.  He is still out there.

One of my rules for dating is that I will date someone more than once unless the give me the hybie-gybies or one of my deal killers shows up on the date. I have definitely experienced both! So, I am giving guys a chance, because first impressions aren’t always terrific on a first date.  We are usually nervous.  Well not me, giggle. 

I have talked about some of my dud dates, however, I have had some really good dates, too.  There are three guys that I have dated more than once and they are all very different.  The things they all have in common is that they can make me laugh, are confident and pretty smart men.  I am smart as a whip, I am definitely confident and I have a wicked sense of humor.  They just have to be able to keep up.  One took me out in his row-boat on the reservoir…romantic.  One took me to the Saddlerack and taught me how to line dance…well he attempted to teach me.  I think he will wear steal-toe shoes next time we go.   The other took me for a walk around the reservoir and had a picnic lunch packed.  I thought that was so sweet. 

I have to admit that I like the chase.  If it is too easy, then I am not usually interested in him.  That isn’t necessarily a good thing.  But, if a guy comes on too strong, then I tend to back off.  Why is that?  I can only speculate my reasoning.  I don’t want to move too fast, for one.  Secondly, I hate being put on a pedestal by a man.  It is a horrible fall when they realize that you aren’t perfect.  I never present myself as perfect…but I think we all tend to fantasize about a person we are dating and that makes us all vulnerable to not seeing the whole picture.

I am waiting for that date where I walk away and think, “I didn’t see that coming.  He is so awesome.”  That hasn’t happened yet.  But it could be that as I peel the onion and learn more about these men, I might discover that he is really awesome and I am glad I went on more than one date. 

Until then, here is to kissing frogs.

Jeannine Kaiser

America’s Dating and Relationship Expert, Author of Cupid’s Playbook

All I Want For Christmas is HIM!

I really am not in a hurry to meet Mr. Right.  But for now, I am beginning to meet Mr. Hopefuls.  The holiday season brings up the void left when a relationship ends and being single is magnified.  During Christmas, my husband Keith and I were covert elves trying to find just the right gift for each other.  We had so much fun buying and hiding our gifts and each of us trying to scope out what the other had purchased, like two little kids. I miss that!

It would be nice to find three or four men that I can date and have some fun as we go into the holiday season.  We are narrowing down the field…and I say we because my kids would like veto power (not happening, but I will humor them.)

As my daughter, Jessica have been on vacation, she has named several of my potential matches.  I thought it was a great idea because I am not using names.  Mr. Rice Pudding and Mr. You are 54?, did not make the cut.  Any surprises here?

The two men I dated in the same night are still in the running.  We have knick- named them Mr. Urban Cowboy and Mr. Airline.  One likes country Western dancing and the other works for a major airline carrier. 

Now we have Mr. McSteamy who is just gorgeous and a Renaisance man to boot.  We have a lot in common, but have not met yet.  Just been exchanging emails and messages back and forth.  So you never know how the chemistry is going to play out.  For now I am just intrigued.

Last, but not least is Mr. Holland.  He is absolutely one of the nicest men I have ever met and he is super romantic…he is the one who took me out in a row-boat on the reservoir. 

No one has knocked my socks off yet.  Mr. Urban Cowboy makes me laugh and is a bit mischievous.  I like that in a man.  Mr. Holland is super romantic, considerate, and thoughtful.  I like those traits too.  Mr. Airline adores his children and is a great story-teller. I like those traits as well. Mr. McSteamy is easy on the eyes and he is communicating with me on a regular basis.  So who knows?  I am waiting to meet that guy that when I walk away I am thinking, “I didn’t see that coming.”

Until then, I have sent my wish list off to Santa and am putting a huge stocking next to the fireplace on Christmas Eve.  You never know.   

 Jeannine Kaiser

America’s Dating and Relationship Expert, Author of Cupid’s Playbook

Shouldn’t We Sleep Together First?-Hilarious First Date

Have you ever been on a date and you are five minutes into it, and you know this is going to be the date from hell?  Well I had one of those today.  I wasn’t sure if I was caught in the Twilight Zone or being PUNKED!  I was sure that there was a camera rolling somewhere waiting to see how the Dating Coach handled this situation.  Sadly, I was not being PUNKED.  It was for real.

Note to self: Trust your instincts.  This is your second notice.

First the guy shows up with rice pudding from a Hof Brau in Orinda, and proceeds to have me taste it…and when the waitress comes to our table, he tells her that we aren’t ordering anything.  Hello, I have not eaten and a few bites of this rice pudding isn’t going to do it for me.  So, I order a diet coke and side salad (I need to be 100% sober for this guy.)

His life is like a bad country song:  His wife had an affair, both his daughters are gay and won’t talk to him, he lost his business because his partner embezzled money, he use to help grow pot, he made these cocaine container things for the Oakland Raider’s team in the 1970’s and the general manager threatened to kill him if he continued.  He lost his house and sold almost everything he owns……….

That isn’t all.  By the time we were 15 minutes into the date, he had us married and moving anywhere I wanted to go…of course because I would be paying for it. 

He was a jeweler.  So he brought a collection of the rings he designed for me to see…all were wedding sets.  After I had seen about 20 sets, he asks, “So which one would you choose if we got married?”

He proceeded to tell me that he was STD free and there was not craziness in his genetic line, which I truly doubt.

Finally, he asked me something about me. “What do you do for a living?”  I told him I was a dating and relationship expert.  His response, “How am I doing?”  My response, “Terrible.”  Didn’t stop him.  He still wanted me to be his girlfriend.

I laughed a lot during this date because it was so bad.  It was everything that I would tell a man not to do.  He did it.  Multiple times I had to tell him to back off and slow down.  He couldn’t take a direct request.

When the date was over, he asked if he could call me.  I said NO.  Then he asked, “Will you call me?” I said, “Definitely not.” 

I kid you not.  This really happened.  Wish I had it on film.  It was the craziest thing I have ever experienced. Would have left early, but I wouldn’t have had this great story for my blog. 

Note to self: Get off of this dating website (PlentyofLosers.com)

Have you had a date from HELL?  Love to hear about it.

More to come….

Jeannine Kaiser

America’s Dating and Relationship Expert, Author of Cupid’s Playbook